An Open Letter to the Glade Corporation

Nov 28 | Posted by: Fighter #1 | Tags: Crackpot Theories to save the world

Dear Glade corporation:

We all know the old adage: "smells clean is clean." Presumably a significant portion of your day-to-day business practices revolve around the idea. However, there's a problem with that idea.

Your consumers know that something that is clean should smell clean; you know it too. Your consumers also know that you know that. This means that your more savvy customers are suspicious of things that "smell clean." When we walk into a room and smell flowers and berries, we don't think "oh, this place is clean and lovely." Instead, we think "what are they trying to cover up with this potpourrie nonsense?"

The smell of air freshener doesn't make us think a place is clean; it makes us think that our host is trying to hide the fact that their home is filthy.

Here's the trick! You know that we know that you know that "smells clean is clean." But we don't necessarily know that. To that effect, I recommend you tweak the model just a little bit: smells cleaned is clean.

If I walk into a room and smell bleach, I think "oh, they just cleaned. That's nice!" Leverage that! You should introduce a line of air fresheners scented like cleaning products! Bleach! Ammonia! Rubbing alcohol! Heck! Even vinegar or baking soda are good choices. These are all scents that scream "JUST CLEANED!"

No matter how filthy and disgusting our homes are, with some clever application of imitation cleanser scents, we can all at least feel trick our guests into thinking that we don't spend all our time wallowing in filth and squalor!


Fighter #1

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