Aggressive Boredom: Saving Christmas

Image: public domain via wikipedia[1][2]. (edited)

"Aggressively boring" is a phrase that needs to be more prevelant in the common lexicon. There are a lot of things that are just boring, but they are usually easily avoided. For something to be aggressively boring, it has to be both tedious and demand your attention. For whatever reason, you can't just ignore it

A book that doesn't interest you is boring. Someone who insists on describing the plot of that book in great detail is aggressively boring.

Watching children is boring. Talking to children is aggressively boring.

Every party is boring at times. Your friend who tells you about how drunk he got this weekend and the girls he was hitting on is aggressively boring.

Most of the process of building a D&D character is boring. Being told about someone's D&D character is aggressively boring.

The major unifying theme being that if something is boring to you, having to listen to someone else talk about it is even worse.

The solution? I suppose more self-awareness. Pay attention to when you're talking and try to figure out when you're being aggressively boring.

But how do you save face? You're in the middle of telling a story that you now realize is really boring. What do you do?

You save Christmas, that's what! Cut the story short. Immediately end it with "and that's how I saved Christmas". It ends the pain, and makes whatever boring garbage you were talking about before seem more interesting in retrospect.

"I got so drunk this weekend. Me and Chaz drank an entire bottle of Fireball and... that's how I saved Christmas"

"My character is a level 12 paladin with 3 levels of wizard so that I'm better at... saving Christmas"

"You really have to keep reading until chapter 7 when the council of wizards... saves Christmas"

It always works!

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