Right now, I live in the South, right smack-dab in the middle of the Bible Belt. This means that the concentration of Christians is very high. Further, this means that the concentration of people with Officially-endorsed Conservative Values (tm) when it comes to science, society, and politics is also very high. Without doing any real research, this means that there are a lot of people in my immediate area who deny the existence of Global Climate Change (tm).

A few weeks ago, much of the south was hit with record-breaking (or near-record-breaking) high temperatures. These temperatures suddenly plummeted down to around freezing. (As a northern lad, these seem to be far more reasonable for the time of year.) This sudden change in temperature brought torrential rains (though no snow, sleet, or freezing rain like a less wussy climate would have). In fact, as I write this, Nashville is still in the middle of a flash flood watch.

Now the knee-jerk denial of climate change during winter has often been, “if global warming is real, how come it’s so cold?” This means that the comparably ill-formed argument should be, “if global warming isn’t real, why is it 70 degrees in January?!”

As I edit this post (I’m a good writer!) I’m attempting to shrug off the sleep deprivation from being woken up last night by a fricken’ tornado. Also in January. The temperature is apparently again fluctuating from 70 to 30 too.

Why else would the weather be this stupid if we weren’t actively breaking the global climate?
Then it hit me: God! This weather can easily be rationalized away as not climate change, but as God punishing our nation for some sin. Maybe we lost the war on Christmas? Maybe it’s “the gays”(tm) again? Maybe God is mad that we elected an athiest/communist/muslim/antichrist as president again?

The point being, you can have a fully internally consistent explanation for what’s happening without yielding on either the climate change or the God is mad at ‘murica for turning it’s back on Him points! Isn’t it wonderful! You can have your cake and eat it to!

So... My religion can be a bit embarrassing sometimes... Seriously though, guys. Jesus is pretty cool.

Disclaimer: I haven’t actually talked to anyone who has espoused this particular line of thought yet. It’s distinctly possible that I’m just retreading tired, old stereotypes for the sake of humor. However, I never said that I wanted to be part of the solution. Maybe I’d rather be part of the problem. Certainly seems easier.

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